would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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