bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
