Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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