Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
