did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
