I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
