And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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