I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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