Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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