So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
