that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
