I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
