i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
