Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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