"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
