we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
