Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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