Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
