he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize