It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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