My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
