the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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