TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
