After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
