found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
