he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
