I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
