So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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