WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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