You can't motorboat a personality
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
