...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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