"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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