First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
