i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
did i walk over a car last night?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
