then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
