Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
