Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
