I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
