Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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