No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize