She's JV to your varsity
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
