Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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