My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
