last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize