Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Vodka?
Forever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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