I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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