at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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