So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
