I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
