Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
