Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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