Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
