taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
