dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize