in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
