I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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