Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
