I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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