u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize