You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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