Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
