Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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