do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize