he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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