Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
