Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize