what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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