So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
