Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
