is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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